At some point I must have thought I could never lose the gift of articulation. I must have taken the slightest bit of pride in my ability to exert control over words and expression: my power over parts of my life seemed invincible. I must have thought it was mine.
Since summer last year I have been struggling with a particularly dark spell of clinical depression that has left me mute, silent, clueless, numb for the most part. It has come to completely paralyze my academic life. Lack of control has seriously affected some of the most important relationships in my life.
Qur'an 18:32-44 narrates the story of two men:
Set forth to them the parable of two men: for one of them We provided two gardens of grape-vines and surrounded them with date palms; in between the two We placed corn-fields. Each of those gardens brought forth its produce, and failed not in the least therein: in the midst of them We caused a river to flow. (Abundant) was the produce this man had: he said to his companion, in the course of a mutual argument: "more wealth have I than you, and more honour and power in (my following of) men." He went into his garden in a state (of mind) unjust to his soul: He said, "I deem not that this will ever perish, "Nor do I deem that the Hour (of Judgment) will (ever) come: Even if I am brought back to my Lord, I shall surely find (there) something better in exchange." His companion said to him, in the course of the argument with him: "Dost thou deny Him Who created thee out of dust, then out of a sperm-drop, then fashioned thee into a man? "But (I think) for my part that He is Allah, My Lord, and none shall I associate with my Lord. "Why didst thou not, as thou wentest into thy garden, say: 'Allah's will (be done)! There is no power but with Allah!' If thou dost see me less than thee in wealth and sons, "It may be that my Lord will give me something better than thy garden, and that He will send on thy garden thunderbolts (by way of reckoning) from heaven, making it (but) slippery sand!- "Or the water of the garden will run off underground so that thou wilt never be able to find it." So his fruits (and enjoyment) were encompassed (with ruin), and he remained twisting and turning his hands over what he had spent on his property, which had (now) tumbled to pieces to its very foundations, and he could only say, "Woe is me! Would I had never ascribed partners to my Lord and Cherisher!" Nor had he numbers to help him against Allah, nor was he able to deliver himself. There, the (only) protection comes from Allah, the True One. He is the Best to reward, and the Best to give success.
My utter helplessness at this point is like that of the guy who just lost their garden.
Nothing is invincible. None of our resources are absolute. All our licenses are subject to terms and conditions of fair use. And they are all revokable.
Since summer last year I have been struggling with a particularly dark spell of clinical depression that has left me mute, silent, clueless, numb for the most part. It has come to completely paralyze my academic life. Lack of control has seriously affected some of the most important relationships in my life.
Qur'an 18:32-44 narrates the story of two men:
Set forth to them the parable of two men: for one of them We provided two gardens of grape-vines and surrounded them with date palms; in between the two We placed corn-fields. Each of those gardens brought forth its produce, and failed not in the least therein: in the midst of them We caused a river to flow. (Abundant) was the produce this man had: he said to his companion, in the course of a mutual argument: "more wealth have I than you, and more honour and power in (my following of) men." He went into his garden in a state (of mind) unjust to his soul: He said, "I deem not that this will ever perish, "Nor do I deem that the Hour (of Judgment) will (ever) come: Even if I am brought back to my Lord, I shall surely find (there) something better in exchange." His companion said to him, in the course of the argument with him: "Dost thou deny Him Who created thee out of dust, then out of a sperm-drop, then fashioned thee into a man? "But (I think) for my part that He is Allah, My Lord, and none shall I associate with my Lord. "Why didst thou not, as thou wentest into thy garden, say: 'Allah's will (be done)! There is no power but with Allah!' If thou dost see me less than thee in wealth and sons, "It may be that my Lord will give me something better than thy garden, and that He will send on thy garden thunderbolts (by way of reckoning) from heaven, making it (but) slippery sand!- "Or the water of the garden will run off underground so that thou wilt never be able to find it." So his fruits (and enjoyment) were encompassed (with ruin), and he remained twisting and turning his hands over what he had spent on his property, which had (now) tumbled to pieces to its very foundations, and he could only say, "Woe is me! Would I had never ascribed partners to my Lord and Cherisher!" Nor had he numbers to help him against Allah, nor was he able to deliver himself. There, the (only) protection comes from Allah, the True One. He is the Best to reward, and the Best to give success.
My utter helplessness at this point is like that of the guy who just lost their garden.
Nothing is invincible. None of our resources are absolute. All our licenses are subject to terms and conditions of fair use. And they are all revokable.
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